7 things women wish people would stop saying about breastfeeding

The antenatal class I endured (yes, it was that much of a slog) on breastfeeding was one of the more surreal experiences of my life. By the time the breastfeeding counsellor had finished extolling the virtues of the most 'natural' practice in the world, I was fully expecting rainbows to spontaneously burst across the sky and find unicorns gambling in the car park outside. What was this Utopian world of which she spoke? It sounded amazing, and nothing like the version of events I'd heard from my new-mum friends, who despite being stoic, level-headed, adult women had somehow still been reduced to tears by the pain of cracked and bleeding nipples or gnawing worries that their babies were not gaining enough weight.



Off I and my eight fellow mums-to-be obediently trotted, stuffed to the gills with misinformation, and if I emailed the counsellor afterwards to challenge her somewhat rose-tinted version of events and received no reply, well – that's technology for you. I have no doubt the email simply got lost.

'The most damaging thing about that class was that we were all led to believe that breastfeeding was easy,' says my friend Anna, mum to Alba, three and Isla, one. 'So when I couldn't do it, I felt like a complete failure. The reality is that it's really tricky and it's okay to find it hard. I wish we had been better prepared.'

'There is a tendency within some antenatal organisations to over-romanticise breastfeeding,' says lactation consultant Katherine Fisher. 'The truth is that, for some women, it's equal to or harder than giving birth. A more realistic outlook would be helpful. To be told it's 'natural' and 'easy' means that women lose confidence at the first hurdle. If you're a bit more clued up about the things that can go wrong, you're better prepared mentally.'

1. 'It's so easy / breastfeeding is natural''Just because something is natural doesn't mean it's easy and it doesn't mean every woman is able to do it,' says midwife and nurse Clare Byam-Cook, who offers breastfeeding support through one-to-one consultations, books and DVD (What to Expect if You're Breastfeeding and What if you Can't? and Breastfeeding without Tears, both available through her website). 'In the same way that getting pregnant or giving birth are 'natural', not every woman is able to do so without help. Some women don't produce enough milk. Some babies are unable to suck properly. Nature doesn't always provide. If we had a more realistic view, we wouldn't have statistics that show 50% of women give up within six weeks, and that only one percent are still exclusively breastfeeding by the time their babies are six months old, which is what the World Health Organization recommends.'

2. 'Breastfeeding is best for your baby''This is broadly true BUT the difference between breast milk and formula milk is not as great as we are led to believe,' says Clare. 'Formula is not liquid poison. Of course the protective element of passing on antibodies in breastmilk is important but we live in one of the most developed countries in the world, in generally clean and safe environments where our children are not exposed to the same dangers as new babies born in developing countries. As for the emotional factors, if a mother is struggling to feed, in floods of tears and stressed all the time, and the baby is hungry and dehydrated as a result, then breastfeeding is not best for your baby. There is no reason you cannot bond with your baby while feeding her a bottle of formula milk – you're still close and cooing and chatting away, and the more relaxed you are the better for your baby.'

3. 'Breastfed babies are more intelligent'Clare questions this. 'Has anyone measured the intelligence of the baby's parents?' she asks. 'How do we know that there aren't other factors in play, such as genetics? There are so many things that influence a child's intelligence that to put a higher IQ down to breastfeeding seems to be over-simplifying things somewhat.'

4. 'You can't drink if you're breastfeeding''One thing we could do if we want more mothers to breastfeed and breastfeed for longer is take the stigma out of having a glass of wine post-partum,' says Clare. 'The body processes alcohol at a rate of about one unit per hour. If you have a glass of wine after a feed, your body will have processed it by the time the next feed comes around. Even if your baby wakes and demands another feed half an hour later, logic would dictate that if you drink 125ml wine, you don't immediately have 125ml wine in your bladder – neither will it go straight into your breastmilk. The key here is common sense. If a glass of wine helps a mother to relax, feel more like her old self and be able to chat and bond with her partner in the evening, there's no reason she shouldn't have one.'


5. 'Introducing a bottle will lead to 'nipple confusion''This is complete nonsense,' says Clare. 'If a baby is happily breastfeeding, you can give him a bottle and he'll go back to the breast with no problem. If a baby isn't breastfeeding well, and you offer a bottle from which he is able to feed easily and satisfy his appetite, of course he's going to prefer the bottle. What the mother has actually done is solved the problem of a hungry baby, but she's told she's ruined everything by confusing the baby. Where there is a grey area is where the baby is just about able to feed and get enough nourishment from the breast, even if it means the mother feeding up to 20 times a day, which is a scenario I have seen often. The baby will feed from the breast but might find it easier from a bottle, in which case might refuse the breast next time.'


6. 'You're not trying hard enough'
'The simple truth is that not everyone can breastfeed,' says Clare. 'Or rather, not every mother can breastfeed every baby. I see plenty of mums who struggle with the first and feed the second like a dream and vice versa. In days gone by, the village 'wet nurse' – i.e. the mother who produced gallons of milk – fed the babies of the mothers who didn't produce enough or didn't breastfeed for other reasons. In the same way ventouse and Caesarean sections were invented to stop mothers dying in childbirth, formula milk can help if a baby is at risk of being malnourished. If breastfeeding was a matter of will, all the mothers who wanted to breastfeed would be able to do so. It's just not that simple. And if a midwife or lactation consultant – i.e. the expert - is unable to help a novice mum, why is it the mother's fault she can't do it? Why does the blame not lie with the expert? We have it all wrong.'

7. 'You should stop when the baby has teeth!'
'We tell mothers that breast is best but as a society get squeamish if we see a mother feeding beyond what we consider to be a 'normal' length of time,' says Clare. 'There's no doubt that it's a bonding activity between mother and child, although it's worth bearing in mind that from a nutritional point of view, we know that breastmilk becomes depleted of essential nutrients – iron, for example - over time. But if everyone is happy, keep going!'